Are you finding it hard to get over a guy you were with? Do you miss the good morning texts? How about the late night Facetime calls ? Yeah, breakups are hard. Right now, in this very moment, someone on this planet is going through a breakup and it is not something I wish upon anyone. It is stressful but also inevitable.
Transitioning from taken to single can make anyone go crazy. You were so used to their existence. They met your family and even worse… they loved this person. Oh no, here come the questions. Here comes the gossip. You really thought they were the one. The one you would spend your life with. The one that knew you inside out. All that effort gone to waste. It is a challenging thing to experience. Let’s get real, though.
Is it truly possible to get over an ex?
Follow these steps and find out.
Step #1: It’s Okay To Feel Your Emotions
You obviously still have feelings for this person. Otherwise, this transition would not be so difficult for you. And that is okay. We are all human and we get attached to other humans. Take time to sit down and really take it all in. How are you feeling? Sad? Normal. It’s normal for your friends to take you out and tell you to “stop being sad”. As supportive as your friends are trying to be, this is terrible advice. You need to process everything that happened in order to truly move on from the relationship. Just remember that whatever you are feeling is only temporary. Time really does heal all. So if you want to stay home and binge-watch some Netflix shows while eating ice cream from the container, it’s okay. However, don’t be sad for too long…
Step #2: Stop Thinking About The Good Old Days
Throughout the first few days (or weeks!) of your breakup, you will look back at all the fun times shared with your ex. And looking back at all that fun, may make your decision making skills a little blurry. You might start thinking about all the positive qualities that person had. Maybe that person was a great cook and you absolutely loved their teriyaki chicken… Or they always knew what to say when you were upset. BUT STOP RIGHT THERE. As soon as you feel yourself thinking about them in that “nice, positive light”, distract yourself with an interesting book or a new activity. Like mentioned before, over time, you’ll think about them less and less. And about that new activity…
Step #3: Workout, Workout, Workout
Nothing distracts a person more than releasing some endorphins and before you know it, you’ll wonder why you were sad in the first place. This is such a healthy activity that I couldn’t recommend enough. When I was undergoing a hard breakup last year, I would take my butt to the gym every morning and release all my anger and sadness. And guess what? I truly moved on once I started seeing those results. I felt more confident and more happy. It was in that moment that I realized life is good. I shouldn’t waste my time worrying about a person that was meant to be in the past. So, I got hot. Super hot. And it felt good.
Step #4: Write Your Thoughts Down
Apart from making working out a priority in my life, I invested in a journal. I wrote down everything I was feeling at the moment. I wrote down how I was feeling throughout the relationship. I made a list on why ending this relationship opened up more opportunities for me. I made a list about everything I disliked about this person. And every time I needed a reminder on why this person was no good for me, I redirected myself back to that list.
And it was important for me to physically write it down and not keep it in one of my electronic devices. It’s like in school when people encourage you to write down notes on an actual piece of paper instead of typing on your laptop. Why do people say this? Because APPARENTLY you retain the information more. In my case, it worked!
Step #5: Get Into The Dating Game Again
Okay, let me tweak this a bit. Get into the dating game again if you feel like you are ready. Also, you don’t need to get into a relationship with this person. Love does not need to be involved (but make this clear from the very beginning to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings). So dress up really cute, enjoy your new body and laugh a bit.
Step #6: Leave Your Town
Leave the town you’re living in. Leave the town that is making you sad because you’re thinking about that person. Make a girl’s trip with your closest friends to Miami or even Maine. If you’re REALLY spontaneous, do a road trip. Nothing heals a heart quicker than having a close circle to lean on… which brings me to my next tip.
Step #7: Make Your Friends and Family A Priority
This is the time you should be with your friends and family because at the end of the day, they are those people who only want the best for you. These are the people that give you a sense of security in the world. That feeling of connectedness used to be occupied by your ex; therefore, you need to fill that void with the people that truly matter the most to you.
Even if you don’t want to go out, try to socialize 3x a week because this speeds up the healing process. And who says these hangouts have to be an all day thing? Getting out of the house, even for half an hour, is better than nothing. If you’re REALLY not feeling up to it, it’s okay to stay home too.
Step #8: No Contact
Seriously, block them everywhere. When I say everywhere, I mean Snapchat, Twitter, Facebook and any other social media you might see his/her face or any updates on his/her life.
Quicker Healing Tip: Do not get closure from the same person that broke you.
Let’s be real. You are not going to your ex’s house for “closure”. You are going to your ex-partner’s house in hopes of getting back together or you’re hoping to hear that they have learned from that mistake. And while that sometimes works (mostly in movies), it isn’t healthy for you. Instead of looking for closure from your EX, find your own damn closure. You are an independent person that does not need anything from a person that is not in your life anymore. Realize that you did everything you could and these things happen in order to make space for someone who really IS meant to stay in your life.
In your own terms, what is closure?
Most of you will say that closure is communicating with your ex on why this person did what they did or anything amongst those lines. Truthfully, people lie. And while some lies might be to protect you, they don’t do you any good. So, no you really don’t need closure from them. Instead, let it go and focus on being the best “you” there can be.
Additional Tip: SELF-GROWTH.
This is the time to ultimately focus on you. I mean, what is holding you back now? You are your own self. Better yet, forgive this person. You do not have space in your heart for hate or anger. So forgive them. Wish them the best and continue with your life. It’s okay to still love them. It takes time. Instead of falling in love with someone else, fall in love with creating the best version of yourself. Always choose you. Who is going to stick with you until the end? You. Imagine yourself 10 years from now and start making the improvements you need to be a better you.
Healing does not just happen in a few days. It takes patience and a strong desire to want it. You have to WANT to heal and be better. You have to know you deserve a lot more than what was being put out. And with time, the hurt will be gone and be replaced with happy feelings that could light up the sky. You start to notice the important things and rise up from all the pain.
So don’t ask for closure. Do not chase people. Don’t be upset over things you can’t change because the universe always has something better in store for you. So let go and accept your beautiful new life full of opportunities.
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